Diana Makokha: Ladies, your best friend’s man is not your friend

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A woman in an exclusive relationship has things she would share with her siblings, and those that she would, only with her best of friends – bestie.

Often the two persons in her life; the love of her life and of course her bestie would be known to each other for obvious reasons.

Some would break the boundaries and be free with each other, with or without her presence.

Because who wouldn’t want her two greatest persons to be best of friends?

Two male besties pose for a photo. Photo: Freepik
Two male besties pose for a photo. Photo: Freepik

But men are sneaky and creepy. Women too! We’ve seen and/or had a man ruin friendships and bonds between girlfriends that have been around since childhood.

That Primary school deskie that you were with from class two in 1987 to class eight, you kept the friendship throughout high school and now you’re big women in your thirties, with husbands and chidren, if you don’t sit well, Philegonas, your man might just break that relationship by a wink. Or a handshake and beyond.

So why can’t we just stop making these strangers our friends? Well, he’s your girl’s person.

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You have been to their house a thousand times, you even were among the bride’s maids during their wedding.

Stop at that. Don’t be so comfortable with and around him, some comforts are poison.

You shouldn’t talk to him anyhow, call him unnecessarily or request stuff from him without your girl’s knowledge or consent.

See, a man will wink at you, or chat you up inappropriately so he sees how easy, available and accessible you can be, when he knows pretty well that you’re his woman’s friend.

A woman should not be too comfortable with her man's bestie in this manner. Photo: Charlene Eckstein
A woman should not be too comfortable with her man’s bestie in this manner. Photo: Charlene Eckstein

He will suggest ‘harmless’ coffee dates or even booze dates, promising never to let your girl know that you two met.

He will rub your palm suggestively over a handshake and be really creepy and act silly, sending signals but one thing you can be sure of is, when Agatha becomes suspicious of anything fishy between you two, mama you’ll be the betrayer of the century.

Be safe and avoid being called names for accepting a friendship that will break a more concrete friendship.

We’re humans are bound to like or fall in love unexpectedly. Avoid. Getting very comfortable with, flirting and thinking all this is harmless will have you lynched.

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Don’t fall for such suggestive compliments and late dates if you value your friendship with your long time girlfriend.

It might get interesting because men handle rejection differently. He could just decide to bad mouth you to your bestie the way you hitting on him, how you’ve been making advances at him and the way you’re not a true friend.

Dude doesn’t pay your bills, unless he does. He doesn’t fix your bathroom bulb. Doesn’t drop or pick your kids from school. Doesn’t give you orgasms – unless he does.

But if all the above plus many more don’t apply in your lives, he is not worth it. Resist. Refuse.

As a woman you should avoid any romantic or cosy dates with your besties man Photo: Getty Images
As a woman you should avoid any romantic or cosy dates with your besties man Photo: Getty Images

Don’t put your girl in an awkward dilemma where she has to choose between her person and you.

Avoid any platform that would allow you to be easy with each other, meet or give way to disrespect.

If I were you, I wouldn’t even add them on any social media platforms. So if they pop up at the ‘People you may Know’ window, block block.

You might just make a post about an issue, giving an option he doesn’t agree with, and this might bring a rift, or he might be cheeky and download the hot photo you posted in a bikini. So what happens when your girl sees it in his gallery!

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He called or texted you at 2:46am to complain about his woman on bla bla. Mute. Don’t say any thing.

He might be trying to get your attention and one thing might sure lead to another then another.

Don’t advise him about anything unless maybe your girl requested you to call and talk to him about a specific issue. He says bad things about her – that’s a trap!

Stop him, you’re his woman’s friend, not his. And if anything, you’d be on her side, not his. You dont know him apart from his name.

Woman going behind her own man with his bestie. Photo: 9Honey
Woman going behind her own man with his bestie. Photo: 9Honey

Setting boundaries can save friendships big time. Of course there are those ones that are close and have maintained the respect for each other and their partners, but men and women can’t really be trusted!

Our minds are full of just too much gutter from all over. Our wierd human imagination is beyond being tamed and one wink, hell breaks loose.

Men are visual humans, while women’s emotional well being can be weakened by a single hug or one diabetic name.

Their knees get weak at small small attention seeking deeds and compliments.

Let’s just avoid this by staying away from our bestie’s partners. Because, our friend’s men are not our friends!

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